Prejudice
Posted by Allison Mack | Filed under Blog
I know we got into this topic a little bit the other day, and then birthdays and comic conventions got all exciting and distracting, but it is something I would like to revisit. When I think of prejudice, I automatically cut to white, pointy hats and burning crosses, completely taking me and my own personal prejudice out of the equation. But, if I am to live a truly responsible life, I would look at all the areas in my life where I limit my own experience of myself and the people around me because of my own prejudices that I never question.
I will share a little story with you! I was walking through a neighborhood in downtown Vancouver and this particular part of town does not have the best reputation. In fact, I think at one point in time it had the highest rate of HIV infection and heroin addiction per capita in North America. Give you a little bit of a picture?
Now because of this there are many people without homes on the streets and my general assumption when I am walking through these streets is that I need to put my head down and walk quickly. It’s “dangerous”. Now is there some truth to this? Absolutely! I don’t want to act like a moron and walk down the street the way I would my parents neighborhood, but I also want to be sure that I don’t begin to look at the people around me as less than human.
So, I am barreling through this block just trying to get from one stoplight to the next so I can relax, and I see a man crossing the street to come towards me, and I freeze. I put up my guard and immediately thinking he is going to ask me for money. Not one minute after my steel-wall of “safety” was firmly in place, did this man say to me, “I just wanted to tell you I like your dress.”
Done. No, “Spare change miss?” No, “Fucking rich bitch.” Nothing but a sweet comment from another human being.
I saw a wonderful Tibetan Monk speak a few months ago and he stated (now I am paraphrasing so bear with me) that, “The problem with the world comes from the fact that we don’t trust ourselves, therefore we don’t trust each other. We spend all our resources building stronger locks and bigger walls to lock ourselves in.”
So, when does it end? When does the fear caused by prejudice become so debilitating that we forget to live our lives? When does our fear of death become so powerful that we kill our selves prematurely out of an attempt to elongate something we aren’t even utilizing? Our time here on this earth is precious. We get one go at this.
Now I am not saying to be ridiculous, as I said in previous blog posts, it’s all about balance, but I challenge and urge you to look at where you prejudices lie and attempt to challenge or reverse them. See where you ride an invisible horse shrouding yourself in the white sheet of assumption.
It is a really interesting experiment.
Ciao
Allison
Tags: Blog, Challenge, prejudice
73 Responses to “Prejudice”
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Jendi Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 6:39 pm“The very ink in which history is written is merely fluid prejudice” (Mark Twain);
It’s often said that religion is what has fuel most of our histories great wars; that can be view in another context, that perhaps it’s not ones religion but ones beliefs and prejudice that has stemmed such great tragities in history. Now I’m not sure on my stance on religion that was just an example.
Historically prejudice has cause so many deaths/murder, from the witch burnings to titanic survives. However no matter how true and great we see ourselves personally we’re all prejudice everyday. Whether it’s getting frustrated at the slow lady at the check out; blamming her race or intelligence; buying a car or some clothes our prejudices are similar to our beliefs, our culture and our values. some may have been instilled in us by our parents, or our schools, our societies; Television, books, a billboard even!
My point being everyday we are and we see prejudice, unfortunately I don’t see that changing in the near future but growing up my mother used to drill into me ” do unto others as you wish to have done to you”, perhaps we could all try and be a little less prejudice to mankind???
First time commenter….ever….on any web page!
Take Care Everyone
Jendi 24 years old, nearing 25 and the need for anti aging cream I think:)
New ZealandFound this website through a quality muscian on myspace!
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Anthony V. Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 6:59 pmA few years ago, I went on a mission trip to Memphis Tennessee. Before going, I was scared because it was the “Inner City”. So of course the first thing that comes to my mind is people being shot, or whatever. Shows how naive I was and close minded. I did eventually end up easing up, and I even met a little boy that I got to play with while we were working on our house. It was nice because I got to share some stories with him and discover what he wanted to do in life (which was be a firefighter).
Its really hard to try and get out of our comfort zones. For a while, I actually felt kind of awkward being around certain people because I didn’t act the same way that they did, and in the past, they would often make fun of me for it. As time went on, I eased up, but every now and then I still have that same mindset that I’ll be made fun of. I dont think its right to judge someone before you even meet them, because you never know what they might teach you.
I really like this challenge that you’ve put toward us Allison. Sometimes its good to just examine ourselves and figure out what we need to tweak. Hopefully in the end, these things will make us stronger and help us to be more accepting to other without making assumptions.
Thanks for the challenge
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taylor nikole Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 7:06 pmone word :wow
but besides that… I’ve grown up in a family where even being the slighest bit ptedjudice toards ayone is strictly forbidden… which in some cases I guess makes for a better person. although no doubt I would have the same reaction to walking down the street in a neighborhood like the one you described…
although I remember since I was little and my grandmother got further into drugs… (god rest her soul) putting her in these neighborhoods… while we were safe in our small rich little towns I remember thinking I could e the one to help her… which my mother also thought about herself… all of it scared me… I realized then after she had ut my mother through so much emotional stress and danger when having to go see her… I started to hate my own grandmother. I remember we had to pick her up once and I couldn’t look her in the face… and I started not being able to look at anyone that even sightly resembled her situation… but then I had to reaize not everyone is the same… not everyone is her…
she died because od drugs last year… and I found myself actually crying.. for years id contemplated whether I would or not… now in truth… its not a ‘predjudice’ or ‘fear’ anymore… its a feeling of pity.
now I’ve developed dislikes in people but not been able to just judge their cover… its not mebut as for:
“The problem with the world comes from the fact that we don’t trust ourselves, therefore we don’t trust each other. We spend all our resources building stronger locks and bigger walls to lock ourselves in.â€kinda what I was getting at in my reply towards the original blog…. but I stated it as not being aware and not knowing therfore outting all of our energy towards putting up barriers for safetly…. varun said it more as this quote does…
but how ca we trust other people when we can’t trust ourselves..
but from experience I understand that.. trusting someonw when not trusting yourself is usually asking for trouble in generalbahh im babbling
but hey ill put more thought into how im goin to experiment
hmm already discovering and digging up things I never analyzed about myself… seems to have been burried in a never ending orifice… maybe someday ill come closerr to the bottom<3taylor nikol
b
ps. sorry for spelling mistakes.. my phone keyboard is retarded -
Marilyne Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 7:07 pmI absolutely agree with you! I know the streets your talking about..and yes, I was told, right before I came in Vancouver: “Be careful in ****** streets, drugs, blabla” even locals told me that. Also, in the same road trip, I’ve been to San Francisco. The night my sister and I arrived, the gay parade had just ended, so there were beer bottles everywhere, urine odors, trash, and homeless people, I mean homeless people..like one every meter… We were looking for a restaurant but couldn’t find it…damn unprecise GPS ;p that we were actually hidding in our coats so that we wouldn’t be attacked… But the homeless didn’t want any money : they wanted a smile!
“Gimme a smile girl!” So, as I am an easy smiler, I naturally smiled and then they’d say “that’s what I’m talking about” and that’s it! But still, as you said, we were walking pretty fast, looking only at our way and quite ignoring their eyes…The truth is, as my friends non know, I just never get mad or frustrated, really. But one thing pisses my of : Discrimation: Racism, homophobia and prejudices in general. Racism is really THE thing that can make me yell at someone and make them feel sooo bad when I witness a racism comment or act.! AW! I just can’t stand it! I can’t stand there and do nothing about it. And of course, I have prejudices too, just like my little adventure in SF. But for this one, I think it’s more of a security matter; not being a moron like you said!;p
I really recognized myself in this blog!
Really, really interesting topic by the way!
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taylor nikole Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 7:10 pmoh and.. expect a cookie video submission soon… from moi
damn editing is too time consuming… and if I left some of that stuff in u might get a glimpse of the ‘real’ me… yikes! haha -
Kathy Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 7:12 pmYes, it is too easy to simply label people as “criminals” or “drug addicts” and not look at them as real people.
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Arash Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 7:26 pmA few weeks ago I had a customer at work a very nice lady.
I rather not to be specific about her religion.
we had a lovely conversation and I just mentioned that I have been to her country and she guessed my background and religion.
She turned to her daugther and said; ” I know these people, they are such a lovely people, they are so spritual, they are so kind and inviting …”
The lady placed an order. Something new to be delivered and we agreed to pick up her old item without extra charge.
A week later our delivery guys called from her appartment and said that her old item is much larger than they physically can move, they needed more guys and a larger truck, which wouldn’t be available until the next day.
The lady called our me. She was furious. She said she was promised the job to be done that day and she will not wait till the next morning.
She said; “I thought you people are good people, I was wrong, you people are liars, you people are cheaters, you people are the worst”.Well the job was done the next day. And I think she is okay now but that is not my point.
I have to admit, for a few minutes after my latest conversation with her I was using the phrase; “YOU PEOPLE” the same way in my head. But then I realized I am becoming the very person I am disapproving.
So I said on a second thought; SHE is nuts!
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Kris Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 7:31 pmI’m far from being a saintly unpredujiced girl, but I sure as hell make a conscious effort every day to treat people fairly. I’m grateful for having grown up in a city that is very diverse–economically and culturally–so I can honestly say that I was never at all sheltered. I grew up with rich kids, poor kids, white/black/Asian/hispanic kids, Catholics/Buddhists/Jews/Jehovah’s Witnesses…you name it we’ve got it. And I’m a better person for having been exposed to people from all walks of life.
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viviane Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 8:00 pmAllison is what happened to you unfortunately is very common! we all have this reaction to pre-judge the people who do not know! but I do not think that is our fault because people go very violent, aggressive, with anger in the heart … does not give for not suspicious of people! =/
I feel very sad because this is not the colour, religion, nationality or money that defines us down! right?
is the most powerful wear the money to help the needy and the world would be better!
PS: careful when walking on streets dangerous! Love you!
Viviane from Brazil!
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Darwin Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 8:04 pm*smiles* I have met with people who have similar such encounters in a bad part of town…fully expecting some kind of unpleasant or even dangerous exchange…with one of the neighborhood denizens…only to
find…like yourself some unexpected courtesy.SOME of these people focus on their fear and anxiety…preferring to depict what “might have been” the horror they barely escaped.
Seeing it all through “those” eyes.
And yes, it is true that YOUR experience that day was pleasant…on another it may not be.
You acknowledged that it was pleasant….but the sad truth is that your expectations cannot pivot to ALWAYS expecting that it will be pleasant.
Being prepared for the worse and hoping for the best is more in tune with being “balanced”.
Appreciating encounters like yours is good. Dismissing it out of hand would be sad.
There is the gratitude that should be involved.
“That was pleasant and it easily could not have been.”
But the very next person around the corner may have something less courteous in mind.
Awareness…caution…a plan…if things go bad.
Gratitude when things go good.
Oddly…we sometimes have to be prepared to be grateful as well…or else we forget to be so.
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Arash Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 8:22 pmIf you walk through that neighborhood pretty often let me know, then I’ll watch the show; “To Serve and Protect” more often.
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Allie Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 8:24 pmThis past year I was living in Harlem New York, (well technically Spanish Harlem, but we were all over Harlem and Spanish Harlem and the Bronx and all of Manhattan really every day) doing humanitarian work there. At first me and my team were terrified each time we stepped outside the door. It was “Harlem” after all and it’s “reputation” hasn’t ever been the greatest. The very apartment we were living in had been broken into and stolen from only weeks before we arrived. So yeah, anyways, we were all pretty skiddish at first, and never talked to anyone, kept our heads down and tried to avoid any and all conversation.
Anywho, it was a few months into our time there, and I suddenly had my revelation (the one I talked about in the last post, lol) of how I wasn’t perfect and I had my own issues, and in the end we were all humans and I needed to kind of open up a bit, take down the shield and just experience life and humanity without seeing people in a certain way, judging them for how I thought they might be, or even because of where they lived. And it was so awesome because about the same time, the rest of team kind of had the same moment where they realized that too. It was kind of odd actually, that it had taken us that long to all get that. Especially since we were there to help people!
But anyways, then we just started talking to people that we passed, and had been avoiding, every day. Plato, the man who sat on a stool outside the corner store, bundled in a coat and scarf, and made sure that nothing was stolen, everyday, even in the snow. Jose the man who worked 7 days a week without breaks and managed and owned the little market on the way to the subway. And they were lovely people, with amazing stories and nothing like we had expected them to be. We took that attitude with us when we traveled to Jamaica for a month, visiting AIDS centers and feeding people on the street, and met even more amazing people that we might have dismissed or tried to avoid before. O’Brien, who had been living in Kingston and had been in a gang and heavily addicted to drugs, but was now completely clean and helping to run humanitarian projects in Montego Bay. He certainly didn’t look like the type of person you’d want to meet in a dark alley at night, but he was the nicest, most caring person once we got to know him. The list really goes on and on of people we got to really meet and get to know once we got over what we thought about them.
It was just that much easier and added more fun in all the other things that we did. That much easier to see the good in people, the extraordinary, and to see how much grace other people gave us, rather than simply putting people into categories, than simply seeing everyone as full of problems and beyond hope while also being ignorant of our own problems. Lol, if that makes any sense.
Hope your week is going good! -
Gnome Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 8:24 pmSince you have shared your story, let me share mine:
I was on party at a friend’s house and by 2 am I decided to go back home by walking and all by myself.
Not a smart move, I confess, but some glasses of wine took all my sense of dangerous that night.
Anyway……. I was going home, waiting for crossing the street when a humble man, about his 40, came to me and just said a “good night”. I answered him with a good smile on my face (thanks for the wine) and thought that I had already made my “good action of the day” so I could leave and sleep peacefull.
I was so wrong……… After that he offered me a drink, I refused. Then he decided to walk me home. Normally I would suspect of the “good intentions” of the guy, but something on him wasnt threating me at all, so I accept his company (Blame the wine).
And it happened to be a pleasant company. He just wanted to talk and told me about his whole life. He was a simple guy, and even show me his ID, cause he wanted me to know his name: Salmo. I will never forget. Specially now that I wrote that down
We talked a lot and I decided to accept his offer for a drink. There goes my night and we shared a COKE.
At the end of all the conversation, we hugged as we were a long time friends and he made a gesture that got me by surprise: he got all his money (not a lot) and handed to me saying that he probably would spend it with wrong things and he wanted me to keep it.
How come someone, who apparently doesnt have much, could be able to give up everything he has in the moment for a complete stranger???? Just for the nice talk? I didnt know what to do.
I accepted the money, affraid of offending him, but then I gave him back, telling that, since I was giving him the money as a gift, he would think twice before use it.
I dont even know how I came up with that one. All I know is that worked. And finally he left.
And then I start to think to myself about the “what ifs”:
What if i had taken a taxi…
What if I had runned away from him at the first moment
What if I was a son of a bitch and that poor guy had trust me his life
What if I was him…. just wanting to talk and nobody stop for listening
Then I was standing there…….pondering…..
That guy had no idea how much he changed my life. His heart was so free for a complete strange that a envy him. Not envy, admire him.
I so wanted to be like that. I have built so many walls around me. Its time to bring them down.Well…. thats a start. Maybe I should stat to drink wine more oftenly……….
Thanks for sharing
PS: My Jiminy Cricket still says that I should not be naive and walk by myself around 2 am. Should I kill him with my wall?
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Arash Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 8:51 pmIf any body here has not seen the last lecture of
Randy Pausch
I absolutely recommend it;http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
At some point he says;
If you think of someone as not a good person,
you just have not given them enough chance. -
David Hayes Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 9:26 pmWhen I moved into my first home after looking for one for 8 years, the people helping me move surveyed my new neighborhood as we were approaching the house by truck and nervously asked me, “Is this place you are moving to … integrated?”
My answer was, “It is now.”
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One day, I walk out onto the street and there is this little old lady slowly walking down the other side of the street quite a ways away from me. Near her, is a man in a business suit walking towards her. She barely glances at him then sees me. I was rather casually dressed — never one to be stylish in any way. Her eyes wider, her gaze fixates on me, she lifts her cane and starts moving towards me like a marathon runner. She crosses 4 lanes of traffic ably dodging traffic as she calls out for me to wait up for her. See gets near me and the cane touches pavement again and the slow, limping gait resumes. Then she begins her laundry list of needs. What an amazing woman! How did she know from so far away that I didn’t (at that time) have the backbone or callous indifference to deny her anything that I had (no matter how badly I needed my time and money and how much I believed or disbelieved her pitch)? How did she know that the man on the same side of the street with all the trapping of wealth wouldn’t help hr at all?
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Before getting the house, I ran down the back steps of my apartment with my bag of garbage, opened the door and went towards the dumpster ate at night in the back alley. I jumped back 3 feet because someone was standing there. No one ever was there so I was surprised. Then this man starts telling me that he is just passing by and that he had no intention of robbing me just and that I was a bigot because I was scared for a moment and he was Black. I tried to tell him that it didn’t matter what color his skin was — he could have been anyone — even Santa Claus and I would have had the same startled reaction coming upon someone suddenly like that in the middle of the night where I expected no one to be. He didn’t believe me and chose to be angry about it. That was his prejudice.
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So … a man crossed the street to tell you he likes your dress. That’s a positive? In itself or as preferable to getting asked for money? Because I am terrified of complementing anyone about anything except under very controlled situations in which I have prior permission to do so.
“Nice dress.” “Why are you looking at my dress? Do you think I put this on for you to look at? Get away from me! Get anywhere near me and I’ll scream!”
“What a pretty Baby!” “Don’t you look at my baby! What kind of pervert are you? Looking at babies!”
I think it is still safe to think flowers are beautiful … and sunsets … and buildings and maybe cars … and maybe mice …. OH NO! Mice are on the no-no list too! I forgot. Don’t worry. I won’t be leaving my cubicle.
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Jennygirl Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 10:19 pmThis is a wonderful thought, and a lovely idea, but you are bringing out the mom in me…
So whilst you are fighting your pre-conceived notions, please remember that there is a reason for some places to be considered statistically unsafe.
Maybe next time take Clark with you? I’d feel much better.
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Fatma Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 10:47 pmWow, very insightful and heartfelt blog.
All i can say is that im grateful that i live in a place that is very multicultural and diverse, i believe its made me a better person, sure you get some level of prejudice, but it seems thats apart of the world we live in, no matter what we try to do, prejudice will always seem to exist.Its not fair to place ‘labels’ on people, it not only limits you from living ur life to the fullest but it also significantly limits the person being ‘labelled’ from living there’s to the fullest. We shouldn’t place this burden on ourselves and especially on others.
Is it so hard to see people simply for who they are,Humans? No. Treat people how you want to be treated, simple as that.Thanks for another awesome blog, Allison
Take care everyone -
Kyle Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 10:49 pmA lot to address in that blog of yours; here goes. I pretty much agree with everything you said. People have to know themselves before they can know other people — its just how humans work.
You said it correctly, we need to have balance. Prejudice is such an ugly word. How about something like — cautious or shrewd? We need to be safe at times, sure. But, when we prejudge people on the shallow basis of skin, appearance, race, etc that would be compromising our integrity — and that is wrong. Its a constant learning process, because every situation is different. We just hope we grow after every instance.
I’ll keep what you said in mind and analyze my own life for a form of prejudice I might be missing. Till then, thanks for the thought.
-Ky
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Le-Ann Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 11:26 pmThis was very insightful, Allison.
It definitely hit close to home for me because I do live in Vancouver and last year at my school we went to the soup kitchen for a class trip. I was pretty damn scared to be going down to Cordova considering I’m a young teenage girl. However, after spending an hour or so serving many homeless people lunch and being able to have a chat with several of them, I realized just how normal every single one of these people were. Many of them had great stories to tell and I learned a lot from people who, just several hours before, I was terrified to be in the same room with. It definitely makes you think a little bit. -
Ivy Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 1:16 amOnother great blog….challenge , Allison. Ghad, this is better than college!!!
One thing I can say Allison is you got lucky. If that street has a bad reputation as you described it, I perfectly understand why you felt the way you did. There’s no crime in being caucious. I think it’s unfair to beat yourself up because sometimes you pre-judge people the wrong way. Afterall, the one you’re protecting is yourself.
Could you really blame us…people…society, for being prejudice? Turn on the TV and just 30sec of watching the NEWS would want to make you stay at home. HEADLINE: “In London in average,there is a knife related crime every 52mins” Well im sorry for not jumping for joy when a friend invited me to visit Madame Tussaud. But I have this all sorts of visions in my mind. Your planning a holiday, you visit tripadvisor and you read some very informative reviews. Instinct – you take the good review and at the same time caution yourself to unexpected. -Human nature.
What if that man, really mogged you? Would your view about everything change?
Don’t get me wrong, I dont agree that we swim ourselves to fear or with our own instinct , or our assumptions, or our own prejudgements but it won’t harm us to listen to our inner voice. If we’re wrong , we’re wrong, you learn from it. But what if we we’re right?
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Corrie Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 2:45 amAllison, I highly recommend you read Malcom Gladwell’s book, Blink. It’s about how people make quick decisions, often driven by unconscious prejudices. It’s a very fast read because everything he says is really interesting, and there’s a section in which he talks about how police can make inaccurate judgments about potential criminals, often resulting in death or injuries to innocent individuals (he interviews police officers as well as other researchers regarding this and other topics). He talks about a wide range of subjects as well, but I wanted to point out that he addresses the prejudice issue in a very interesting, easy-to-understand way. My love for this book might be a little biased because I’m a psych major, but I still think you would love it.
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Gaia Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 4:11 amYou’re awsome! You passed your fears
I agree with you I perfectly know how you feel when you are prejudge by someone… I’m prejudge by a lot of people because of my phisical problem 
but It’s like you said, you must trust each other and ourselfs too I hope now you won’t prejugige me too.. but I know you wont You’re special!
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kerrieanne Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 4:43 amI live in quite a rough area of England and at the moment knife and gang crime is on the rise. When I started University last year people were overly wary around me and not wanting to get on my bad side purely due to where I call home. It took several weeks for me to convince people that it is only a minority of people who cause this bad reputation. Thankfully, i now have many wonderful friends. Friends that I look forward to seeing in September when i return to university
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Claude Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 5:49 amThe best way to deal with this is, IMHO, to achieve a balance. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Caution is a good thing, just don’t let it become paranoia.
Having your guard up in an area with a less than stellar reputation is not a bad thing, just don’t let it blind you to the fact that there are good people even in the worst areas (just as there can be bad people in the best areas). On the other hand, areas with a bad reputation didn’t get that way without a reason.
Balance may be good, but isn’t easy. Prejudice is easier than a balanced rational approach. So too is blind optimism. We tend to be creatures of extremes.
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The Friday Philosopher Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 6:07 amWe label the unfortunate people of this world because if they are “Criminals†and “Drug Users†then their not “People with Problems.†If we see “People with Problems†then nine out of ten of us will want to help them, and the truth of the matter is that one person can’t help them all!
Having spent some time on the not so green grass myself, I can tell you that you should be weary when walking some of these streets! You might walk for miles and only encounter nice people, like the ones I stayed with, but for every one that thinks your dress is nice there is another who is more interested in your purse!
They’re not bad people, they’re just desperate. Some of them say that those who fear them expect to be robbed, so why should we be anything less than they expect? I was lucky; I had older men and women with standards looking after me. Most people would consider this strange, their homeless, they have nothing why bother with standards? We bother with standards because, these and the basic human morals that our parents teach us from a young age, set us apart from the mindless animals that are infesting our darkened streets.
I started out by begging for money, over time this got me enough money to buy a second hand guitar, which I then used to play in the pedestrian tunnels or train stations; I would get arrested a lot for busking in public area’s, and then I met five of the nicest people I have ever met. All of them just as homeless as I was; they taught me to respect myself, they were right too; nobody else was going to respect me! With self respect, they told me never to beg for money, no self respecting human begs! We would give people compliments and even though we would never expect them to give money, some of them still would!
I’m self-employed now, thanks mostly to the five people who took care of me. I have money, more than I can shake a stick at, according to my girlfriend! I’ve never felt the urge to tell you the truth.
I give back as much as I can, it’s not as much as I would like but I at least ensure that some of the homeless in my community have three meals a day.
Friday
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Jennygirl Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 6:58 amI was thinking about this more last night (once I could get past the safety part of Allison shouldn’t be in the scary parts of town, holy cow).
As I teacher, we think about this in a couple of ways. We are concerned with teaching the kids to be accepting of others, and not judging each other by their skin (we have a wonderful mix of people in my school). But at the same time, we have to watch ourselves and how we make judgements about families unconsciously. “Their culture doesn’t value education, so even if I talk with them, they STILL won’t help Johnny with his homework”. I’ve seen this happen more than I’d like to admit.
I try my hardest to not make any assumptions, the let the year play itself out, and look for the good in all my parents, and focus on the fact as we all want these kids to succeed. And I try very hard not to think of what these parents are assuming about me.
I think it would be very hard for cops, as they are in such scary situations everyday, the stress level being very high, and they have to make their decisions so quickly. It would be VERY difficult for them not to fall back on easy assumptions, after seeing things play out time and time again.
Whenever I get whiney about my job, I think of the cops and what they are up against.
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Jennifer Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 7:02 amI help a close friend of my family’s by mowing her grass once a week and she lives in a bad neighborhood that has alot of crime. She has an alley behind her house and alot of strange people tend to walk down it. I have to mow the grass that’s back there and one day my friend told me about some things that had gone on a few days earlier that week right down the street from her and it really scared me then later that day I was mowing in the alley and a man on a bike started coming near me. He had long hair and looked like he hadn’t shaved or bathed in months and was carring a dirty backpack with holes in it. My heart started racing. I thought omg he’s going to hurt me or take my watch. I was scared shitless. Then he just passed me and smiled,turns out he is the brother of my friends next door neighbor and comes to see her everyday. He ’s not mentally well and stays at a shelter several blocks away. I felt bad,here’s this man who I thought was going to attack me and turns out he’s not well. I felt like an ass.
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Lexie Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 7:28 amThe following quote is one of my favorites. I believe it applies to any relationship in this life even if that means a one-line exchange with a stranger.
“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” -C.S. Lewis
By building walls in our hearts whether of prejudice, fear, selfishness or pride, we cheat ourselves from the joy that life has to offer us each and every day!
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Elizabeth M Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 7:45 amI like to think I am not prejudice because I am not racist or homophobic, which seems to be hot topic issues these days. The world has gone politically mad and tries to correct peoples prejudices by making them use different words. I think it is a hell of a challenge to change the way people think.
Like yourself and many others, I too get scared in rough neighbourhoods and have found myself to think the worst of people.
Why does it scare me so much that a poor homeless person asks me for money? Hell I should just give it to them. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t….it all comes down to how guilty I am usually feeling at the time. I wished I could be more like my mother. She never questions she just gives, whether it be money or her time. I;ve been hardened by society.
Every day we make judegements about people falsely or rightly. I find myself getting sucked into conversations about people, judging their actions when lets be honest its none of my damn business.
I guess what I am trying to say is, that I know I’ll never be prefect and I will always have some sort of prejudice on some issues but I do actively try to be wary of my thoughts and actions and I think if we were all a bit like that things wouldn’t be so bad. -
David Hayes Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 7:48 am[Remember the movie "Patch Adams" and what happened to his girlfriend when she tried to overcome her fears and prejudices. Err on the side of caution.]
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The Friday Philosopher Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 8:16 amIn reply to Elizabeth M,
Perfection is the only goal that nobody will ever achieve.
The fact that any of us are aware of the prejudices we may have, and choose to do something about them is more than enough. It would be terrible if we accepted our faults and evolved our lives around them. We would be so consumed by our hatred and fear of others that life itself might not be worth living.
So Elizabeth, you’re right. None of us will ever be perfect, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t attempt to better ourselves!
Friday
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Jo Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 8:25 amOkay. So I know what area you are refering to. NOT a good place to be. I totally understand what you are saying about being prejudice but (and I’m sorry if this doesn’t agree with some people) that particular area has it’s reputation for a reason. Being prejudice in an area like that could potentially save your life. A very close friend of mine is an RCMP officer in Vancouver and recently took me on a drive through that area and gave me a little bit of history. I think there is a fine line between being prejudice and being safe. Yes, not all of these people are bad people, I know this, buy when you take yourself into an area like that, being prejudice, as I said before, could potentially save your life. Ex mental patients and drug addicts don’t strike me as good company. I’m not sure this is a good example of prejudice/or lack there of. I think in a situation like this where you were approached in such a way, you had every right to initaiily react the way you did. Self preservation is not prejudice. What if he hadn’t had good intentions? What then? I would have had my back up no matter what area of town I was in. Because, no matter how much we want to see the good in everyone, sadly, there is to much violance in this world not to be cautious.
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Audra Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 8:40 amYou have a very good point there and I agree we all need to challenge ourselves and see where our prejudices lie. But what about the times when we do look past the social stereotypes (bad neighborhood = bad things), and we go in trying to be open minded and then we see some people look down at the people that are open minded?
For example, I am the kind of girl who thinks we all need to get out and vote. I don’t care what side of the fence you sit on.. just vote and make your voice heard! So I volunteered to go door-to-door to make sure people are registered to vote, and if not, helped them get registered if they so desired. When I got to where they sent me, I saw it what was labeled “the bad neighborhood” for my city. I was cool with that though, I figured as long as I am just me and keep an eye out, I will be fine. So here I am going door-to-door and while most people were friendly as could be.. some treated me like trash. I got the dirtiest looks, doors slammed in my face and the like. While this could happen in ANY neighborhood, I think what made me leery was when someone said “Why do you bother, you don’t fit in here. Why are you trying to change us?” Then the little voice in my head was warning me that just because I am cool with everyone, everyone may not be cool with me.
So I guess it does come down to balance.. in our minds and socially. Even if we see where our prejudices lie, we have to take in account where everyone elses may lie and adjust accordingly.
Hmm, I hope this all makes sense written out!! But now I have to go and ponder this a bit more.
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arash Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 8:50 amOther people’s prejudice certainly has made me a stronger person.
As a child I was constantly persecuted for my family’s belief.
I was in a minority religion somewhere in mid-east.
MY cousin was executed, my dad was fired from work repeatedly, everything we had was confiscated. And this was on top of a revolution and 8 years of war that every one else in the country was experiencing.I finished grade 8, with the highest grade in school and it was time to change to high school but no one would register me, they were scared of government. Finally someone had guts to take me in. But that was it. End of the line. University for people like me was out of the question.
I did not even have a right to get a passport and leave the country.
I remember the night we were climbing the mountains to pass the border, we were spoted by the guards, I heard shots from behind.
Total dark, the people of my homeland were shooting me from behind and strangers with their gun were waiting for us on the other side of the border. Total dark, the guy who was smuggling us whispered in my ear; “don’t go into the mud try to jump over big stones” I said; “but I am gonna get shot”. He said;”up to you, but we are in the middle of a mine-field”.15 years later, I am living in toronto as a canadian citizen. I have done a few college and university degrees.
There is something I want to share here. Although it looked like I was locked in most of my life, but when you free your mind from all prejudices, then you feel free.
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Amanda Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 8:54 amThat first paragraph is a stereotype that I’m all too familiar with. It’s based on a time in the South that was horrible and grotesque and my generation is still paying for it. From my experience, every time I travel north of the Mason-Dixon line it never fails that once they hear I’m from Alabama I’ll get at least one person who will 1) deduct IQ points or 2) assume how I feel about things because of where I come from.
Prejudice is not limited to skin color. I have also had someone, who barely knew me, tell me that I was closed minded for being a Christian. That all people who said they followed Jesus were hypocrites and hate mongers and that he knew I would be just like the rest.
What? Hellloooo, get to know me before you assume something about me. Hmmm…isn’t that the point? At least get to know me before you decide you don’t like me.
Am I perfect? Heck no. I have my own socially acceptable prejudices like don’t look a homeless person in the eye or hold your purse close to you when you walk past them. Don’t go in a certain part of town or you’ll get robbed. Is that right? Right now, my pastor is Brazil working with missionaries stationed there to help those who are drug addicts, kids starving and sniffing glue bottles so they won’t feel the hunger pains. Little kids living on the streets because if they go home their parents will sell them to the highest bidder into child prostition. People who are hopeless and hurting but to those passing by they are the section of town you are “supposed to avoid”. What if those working there right now, making a difference had said I’m not going there it might be dangerous?
We will never move past prejudice unless we can see people as people and not based on their skin color, faith, socio economic background, education, disease, you name it. I was taught that we are all precious in God’s sight.
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Vegas911 Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 8:55 amOkay this is a touchy topic…….See if anyone here can help me to explain this…..
There is a part of town in my area called Over The Rine, it is the toughest area around here…..If a white person is seen walking or driving in this area past a certain hour it is an automatic assumption that they are there for drugs or prostitutes, how unfair is that? But this is just the type of place that you don’t go unless you live there. I am Multiracial and I will not venture there for any reason!!! I find myself torn by the feeling that I have regarding this. I am Italian and Black…but I don’t identify with other people of color like I do with caucasians. I was raised by a non ethnic family in a predominatly caucasian community and school system. I find myself making jugements on other people of color, that are not positive. Am I being prejudice? For me it is not a matter of color but of education, and self respect.
I was raised in a certain way, education was very important to my mother, it was not a choice of IF I wanted to go to college, I just was…. end of story!! I speak in a manner that is different from the other people of color in my area. I am not “black enough” for them. There are not only divisions between blacks and whites, but also black people of different shades. Because I am of a lighter complection other darker people automatically treat me as if I think that I am better then them. I had a group of Black woman that wanted to fight me one day, simply because I spoke proper english, they were calling me a stuck up bitch…i had to leave to keep from getting my ass handed to me. The funniest part of this story is I never even spoke to them, I was standing there having a conversation with someone else!!! So I think that we are all predjudice in one way or another – I think that I am a bad person for having these feelings or that I am a trader in some way. But Black people have always made fun of me calling me uncle tom, and stuck up, and a white wannabe……white people have always been more excepting of me….why do I feel this way…..makes me want to cry! Any thoughts?
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Pamela Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 9:23 amHi Allison
Thanks again for a very thought provoking blog entry. I would have felt exactly the same as you if I were in your situation.The fact that you used your experience to look at yourself more closely and examine your own prejudices is how you learn and grow as a person. I think the key is to be aware that we all have preconceptions about someone whether we admit it or not. Being aware of it means we can overcome it.
I consider myself a compassionate, caring person but I recognise that I have prejudices and preconceptions about what some people are going to be like before I know them. This is dispite knowing what its like to be on the receiving end of bullying because girls judged me on how I looked when I was in school. I strongly believe all our experiences in life mould us into the human beings we become.Altough I didn’t think so at the time, the bullying helped make me a stronger, more caring person. The same can be said about life experiences moulding the people who are now homeless or addicted to drugs. They were all born as innocent babies, clean slates, blank canvasses but their upbringing and lifes experiences lead them to where they are now. When I see homeless people asleep in doorways I often find myself asking “Where are these people’s families, what is their story and how did they end up here.” I also thank God for everything I have.
I think the way society has changed has increased our fears. When Im driving alone, I wont give a lift to men who are thumbing on the side of the road. The fear of the unknown and fear of attack prevent me from doing this. Yet if my brother was thumbing a lift, I would hope someone would be kind enough to give him a lift. I feel bad when I pass them by but Im only thinking about my safety.
Fear is such a strong emotion and can stop us doing so much.There have been several situations in my life I wish I could change, things I didn’t say or do because I was afraid of the outcome and rejection.We need to listen to our gut and follow our instinct because so far I have found more often the not it is right.
Hope you are keeping well
Pam -
Maria Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 9:25 amI have never seen the point of racism. I mean come on, we are all living in the same world. And it’s not like it’s not big enough i mean how many people live here billions, millions. And it’s not fair for people to have prejudice of people just because of their color or where they are living or how they look, how they dress. That is not fair, you need to give people a chance the same way you’d like for people to have a chance on you.
Hey look I’m from Puerto Rico and out there in America they already have a stereotype of how puertoricans are. LIke they have an accent and they talk a way, they think that all puertoricans are like Rosie Perez. That’s why they get surprised when I suddenly talk to them in english without an accent.
I think its getting harder and harder living in this world if you’re different. Because now if you’re different it’s a crime. If you study and have good grades you’re a nerd. If you like science you’re a geek. If you stand out that is a bad thing and i think that is completely unfair. I mean we have to get over the whole stereotype thing, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn about someone if you get to really know them. Look me and my best friend they call us nerds. Why because we study and we actually get good grades and me and my friend we just laugh at it because we know we’re not nerds, I mean we hate to study and half the time we don’t even know how we pass some exams.
You have to give people a chance cause i’ve learned recently that EVERYONE has good inside them. No matter what their skin is or how they dress. We all have good in us.
XoXo
Maria
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Billy George Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 10:09 amHi Allison! I agree with you. Last year I was in downtown in Medellin, I was walking through in the street and a man under the effect of drugs tried to steal my MP 4. Since that I always pre-judge all people whom lives in the streets. Well I read what you wrote and yes, I think we must not pre-judge them unless we know them. So what everyone wrote in this place is helping me very much. Thank you! I’m awake now. I know some people and National Geographic said that MedellÃn is the dangerest city in the world, but I don’t think so. ‘Cause a lot of people here fight everyday for a better country. And a few, make this country a place for violence, war and kidnapping. But I believe that Colombia is going to fight against all that. So thanks for the topic Allison. Have a nice day. Adios. Sorry for my English.
Billy. -
David Hayes Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 10:13 amFor this week’s challenge, I am going to abandon my fears and prejudice of differences in color that I usually avoid … in the area of food. No longer will I avoid the green bread or the black and white tomatoes. I’ve never given them a chance. And mold is responsible for saving hundreds of thousands of lives when it is used as an antibiotic. I will also stop avoiding lumpy milk and being ageist by looking at labels that people have stamped on the products they sell. Is it fair to not eat food simply because people we don’t even know have decided that it is too old to eat?! No food can be 100% bad. I will look for the best that the worst has to offer and celebrate when I find it. That brown liquid that used to be a bag of salad will certainly be easier to eat in a hurry than it was in solid form. Wish me luck! I’m sure to be shrouded in that white sheet in no time! I can almost see that invisible horse now!
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gaL Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 10:34 amAnyone changed by the whispers of the wind is prejudice.. change when you want to … not just because you can ..
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eli Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 10:45 ami would say the movie crash put it best, all races, jews, blacks whites arabs(all mid-east), and all others that i probebly forgot to say here, basecly saying not to judge a book by its cover, here is one example from my personal life, people thing i am an uneducated dumb person, but i just opened my own resterant and those people cant understand how a dumb person can understand the bussiness
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Ron Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 10:54 amThere’s a difference however between ‘prejudice’ and an informed judgment. Prejudice is to pre-judge, to think or act without knowledge or something virtually unknown or perceived as known but ultimately not.
When you walk through a rough part of town, and are fearful, you aren’t engaging in prejudice, you are simply using an informed judgment based on experiences (or the experiences of others).What is really happening is the instinct of self-preservation and protection which is our innate directive.
We all have prejudices, and we often act on them for a variety of reasons. What separates the feelings and actions that you experienced, Allison, from someone who is negatively prejudiced, is that you recognized the behaviour and when you felt it was unjustified, you noted it within yourself and sought to make a change.
In short (and sorry this was long), instinct is positive and natural, overcoming that instinct in the face of knowledge is the true path to wisdom.
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arash Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 12:36 pmExellent work David Hayes.
on the contrary, beside the looks I would also smell the food and I might even go as far as tasting a little bit.
The green and white on the bread might be spinach and cheese.
You’ll be surprised if I told you they even grow black tomattos these days.
And the lumpy milk, that is just the first step to make home made cheese. -
Pospola Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 1:24 pmWow Allison this is really interesting… You’re really make me think about that…
In our town are many people like that… And when I meet them on the street I just went very quickly… Because.. Who knows what are they like? … Are they bad or good?
When I read your story, it remebered me on the scene from Smallville… Chloe went across the dark street with a hut on her head and with hands in pockets and then comes Clark dressed up as a burglar
Bleh.. Seriously now..
You were very lucky, that you met that guy.. Because not all can be like he is and that’s sad..
Be careful on the streets…Pospola from Czech Republic
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Medina Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 1:36 pmPrejudice…
Well, one day when im going a another big city in Brazil (im living in Manaus-Amazon) i was in a great bookstore, with my girlfriend, and she was very angry, because she realised that the guard watch a lot to my clothes (to see if i get a book).
I have brazilian indian and afro blood, probably i have a kind of ‘paraiba’ face (a bad way to brazilians say that you are from poor brazilians cities).
My girlfriend is gratuated in pharmacy
I am a journalist
but this dont is write im my face. -
Joey Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 2:27 pmGood afternoon Miss Allison Mack,
Thank you for the topic. Actually, i think it is all relative to adjustments. And we have to be free with our souls. The wisdow is not the accomplishment of ourself but the simple and pure enlightenment transcendending both the subject and the object. Here’s an important key about the Zen. Dear Miss Mack, actually, we have to be like water. Water is formless and shapeless. I mean that we cannot catch it between fingers. Water is certainly the softest element on the Earth but it can break and destroy the hardest rocks. It is very flexible. It is a pure example of adjustment. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, if you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, if you put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drop but it can crash. We have to be very attentive to its adjustment qualities. Miss Mack, we just have to be water my friend.
I hope you’re fine and in peace with your soul.
Have a lot of fun and keep smiling,
My regard to Tabby,Your friend always,
Joey L. -
David Hayes Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 2:34 pmToday I am being tested. I was warned to disassociate myself from someone because something from that person’s past has surfaced. But the person has never been anything but kind and helpful to me at a time when I needed a little kindness and understanding. If he is in trouble, the last thing he needs is his friends distancing themselves to preserve their reputations. I have judged the man by his actions towards me and others and I won’t judge him based on whispers and things I know little or nothing about.
… and yes Arash, I go boldly forward with my food tolerance! Isn’t lumpy milk cottage cheese? Just think of all the wonderous foods we would have missed out upon if some brave soul hadn’t seen an eliptical white object fall out of a chicken’s backside and say, “Hmmm. That might be something worth eating!”
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David Harvey Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 2:54 pmDeath is the easy part, living poses quite the challenge. As to what the monk talked about, we build stronger locks to protect us from life, for it is also said there are things worse than death – so surely we spend our time trying to fortify ourselves against them.
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Amanda Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 3:43 pmDavid Hayes can I just say that I was moved (no pun intended) by your previous post. Go boldly into that dark night–just make sure you take your pepto with you…and that you’ve had all your shots…and your health ins premiums are paid.
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David w Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 3:45 pmI am a white male so I personally don’t have that much experience with people hating me because of my skin though I have had people judge me for the area I grew up in (a city about an hour north of detroit) and for my age (I am 22 at this moment)
I went to a private school a half hour from my house while growing up I am part of a family you would call middle class of the economy. When the Rich kids and I don’t mean uper middle class really rich kids found out what city I lived in they all asked me how many times I have been shot or stabbed to this day the answer is none but because they had more money and grew up in a “better” city then me they thought they had to be better themselves. Then while I was 16 shortly after mmy nephew was born me, my mom and my sister took my nephew and met the neighbors who we have known for years at a small restuarant. Me and the neighbors daughter sat in one booth while she helf my nephew and my sister sat with the rest of the adults in another booth. When one of the waitresses walked by she didn’t say anything but she gave me a dirty look for being a teenager holding a kid she assumed it was mine and the neighbor girls instead of paying attention that the baby was my adult married sister’s kid. Since then I have made it my goal to never judge anyone about anything unless they tell me all the facts.
We all need to remember to never judge a Book by its cover.
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Torias Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 3:59 pmI live in the greater Los Angeles area. I don’t even take out the trash without my folding knives, much less go farther. Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean somebody isn’t following me home.
It’s narrow-minded and it’s stereotypical, but frankly, some prejudices exist for a reason. I’ve never been assaulted by a laughing white or asian person. But I have been sucker punched without a word. And it was done by exactly the ethnicity of person I’d have expected it to come from. Then, when I went home, what do you think I said? And what do you think my family told others?
Sometimes hispanic people hit you for no reason. That’s what I said. And that’s what my family told everyone else. You can’t deny it to me because it’s a matter of record. And minor ear damage. I never knew who they were, so I can’t say “THIS hispanic person hit me without any cause.” Guess which stereotype I encouraged for the next few years? And the worst part? They seem to want that particular stereotype encouraged. They must. They’re the cause of it. If they wanted to irritate me without succumbing to prejudicial methods, they could’ve just made me watch a lot of Richard Gere movies.
Instead they decided to start hitting people. Just what I would’ve expected from “someone like that.” Why they so want it that way, I’m sure we can never know. I guess some stereotypes exist simply because they’re true.
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paul Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 4:23 pmSome years ago, I had a similar experience. A shabby, unshaven man shuffled toward me on a subway platform, I gave him the hairy eyeball that told him whatever it was he was sellin’ I wasn’t interested. In fact he just had an innocuous question to ask. Picking up on my none-too-subtle body language, he just smiled, put his hand on my shoulder, and said “I’m good people.”
I was thoroughly ashamed of myself.
About a year ago, not fifty yards from where I work, the 20-something manager of a drugstore followed a homeless man out of the shop suspecting the man had stolen tubes of toothpaste. The man dropped the bag, pulled out a knife, and stabbed the young worker to death.
I simply don’t know the answer.
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Becca Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 5:08 pmthis topic has been on my mind all summer. Several people that I am close to have been making very close minded comments mostly antigay ones. The emotion behind what they said and the actual statements really upset me. I have many GLB and Q friends. Unfortunately, I do not know many trans people.
My personal experience with prejudice well I have two. The first time I learned about it I was in pre-school. I was playing at my house with my friend whose parents were an interracial couple. We got all mad at each other in the way that little kids fight over a toy or something. (most likely cranky and in need of a nap) She said “I hate you and your family” so in my litttle kid nature I said the same thing back. She ran up stairs and told my parents. I got in sooo much trouble. I had to write an apology card and apologize to her parents. My parents lectured me about prejudice and how we need to be accepting of others.
More recently I attended a GSA conference. After the conference there was a dance. We were cleaning up the main room so they could set up the dj. A bunch of us were moving chairs. One trans guy and I went for the same chair. I was uneasy around him because I really didn’t know what to think. He was really apologetic and really sweet. I felt so horrible for being so guarded around him before because he was just an average teenager like me.
thanks for starting this discussion because it is such an important one to have.
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Carol UK Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 5:48 pmI’m sure that balance is the key but it seems as though it’s so difficult to get that balance right. There is the bigotted kind of prejudice that can never be justified – this is so often based on lies, misconceptions and ignorance. Then there is the cautious kind of prejudice which is based on fear and sometimes just can’t be avoided. When I first started teaching I worked as a supply, or substitute, teacher all over the south of London. I was teaching pre-school then and it was easy not to feel any prejudice towards the children, who came from all kinds of different socio-economic and cultural backgrounds. I also felt entirely safe with their parents and carers. But I was in the secure environment of a school and there were always other people around. There are some areas where I happily taught that I would not feel comfortable about walking the streets, especially in the dark. They were not ’safe’ areas for a lone woman. I don’t think that is prejudice – it is just being cautious.
Where I live now, in Sussex, the streets are generally not scary places. Even the ‘rough’ streets aren’t really that bad. Crowds of young people are sometimes a little intimidating, particularly, I think, for some of the older residents. But on the whole here it is quite easy to smile at people.
However, the situation you describe, Allison, is more like some areas of London. I think that sometimes you do have to be careful. I really don’t think that’s prejudice. I guess all we can do is try to assess our own thoughts and actions – are they reasonable or are we overreacting in any given situation?
Carol x -
Bouroux Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 6:01 pmHi Allison.
I agree with Jo and Ron.
“Self preservation is not prejudice.
There’s a difference however between ‘prejudice’ and an informed judgment. Prejudice is to pre-judge, to think or act without knowledge or something virtually unknown or perceived as known but ultimately not.”
prejudices prevent us from committing many mistakes.
Have prejudices against white hats has the advantage that it stands away from them. If they are frequent, they may convince us that their actions are good.
Living with people who have problems with alcohol, smoking or taking drugs carries risks. How many people were influenced by them.
The people you are going have an influence on you, good or bad.Because of the influence factor, I think it is desirable to have as friend ,people who have good values. It’s the wish of all the mothers and fathers of the world when their children are friends.
The prejudices are the first security fences. After analysis, The prejudice should go through the stage of the judgement as soon as possible in an ideal world.
Have judgement allows us to reduce our prejudices.Move someone who smokes is not having prejudices against people who smoke, it is simply not want to breathe the smoke.
Yesterday I saw a fantastic film about the Prejudice . It’s a french film.
Bienvenue chez les Ch’tis (2008) “Welcome to the Sticks ” It’s a prejudice about the life in the north of the France by peoples living in the south.
It’s a film deeply human. It’s the same kind of prejudice that some people living in USA have about the life in Canada.
It’s a great comedy.Have a good day.
Bye
Claude -
Harry Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 6:02 pmThe first time I saw the KKK was a black and white photo in my history book. It scared the crap out of me even though I didn’t fully understand – I knew it was something evil. A few years later I was going for a ride down the highway on the back of my dad’s truck. I looked to my left at The Waffle House and there were four or five men seated at the main counter eating, still wearing their robes – Their hats sitting on the table next to them. Some people think this is kind of funny when I tell them – Maybe because it’s out of context – But I didn’t find it funny at all. Actually I cried myself to sleep that night.
People are always enforcing freedom of speech, speaking against censorship, and promoting man’s right to practice whatever belief he chooses. But hatred is not a freedom – nor is it something anyone can believe in – It is the very essence of living a lie. No matter what your belief, we can not exist as hateful beings.
Love makes our hearts beat – keeps us alive so to speak – I’m not meaning to spout cheap aesthetics – This is something that everyone knows in their soul – Many choose to ignore it – but in the end they’ve committed a spiritual suicide.
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Robin Hebert Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 7:47 pmI like what you posted. And I still believe there is a difference between prejudice and discernment. Like you said, there is a balance. “those people” are people like any of us and but for the grace of God, we would be just like them…..at the same time, we separate their who and their “do”…..as a person, they are precious, what they choose to do in life, well that’s another thing….so with that said, we just have to be led by love….in whatever we do. And just because we dont go to a particular neighborhood at night, doesnt mean we dont care about the people there….we just choose to be in a “safer” area….
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Rafael Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 7:49 pmALLISON!!…..
I visit your blog every day!!
WHY DIDN`T YOU ACCEPED ME ON ‘ORKUT’ YET??? =/
I added you in FEBRUARY and into today you don`t acceped me……what`s going on??? you don`t opne your ORKUT??? please accepd me there!! ^^
I aways comment here but you never answer me….let me give some info about me:
-BRAZILIAN
-LIVE IN TAUBATÉ (São Paulo state)
-I`M 15!!
-HAVE MOTHER…FATHER…BROTHER…
-EVANGELIC
-SMALLVILLE FAN
-CHLOE`S FAN NUBMER 1
-LOST FAN
-NARNIA`S FAN NUMBER 1
and other`s thing…^^answer me…please…..my e-mail is:
please…=D……I hope you answer….even if you gonna say HELLO…xD….say it!!!…..CHLOE ROCKS!! \o/!!!
I see the videos os the COMIC CON….it`s my dream go to an COMIC CON someday…..I hope this happen one day ^^……..well….the comment is getting large….and I don`t wanna be an idiot here….=P…well..bye bye then..kiss!!!
RAFAEL!!!
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Lori Bennett Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 9:04 pmHey Allison, you have the right to feel bad for thinking he was going to ask for money, but in all realness you were being smart and causious, not prejudice. You knew you were in a bad neighborhood, where drug addicted people lived. To not assume you wouldn’t be asked for money there would be like not praying in a church. Someone needing a fix and seeing someone who appears to have money-the fact that you looked down and walked fast may have gave the impression of not wanting to be bothered, but it was smart. You didn’t know he was going to complement you. You’re compassionate, so you feel bad, but I think the guy understood why you acted the way you did. I probably would have reacted the same way, it’s hard to putting up defenses when so much of the world is unsafe. I agree though that we should fight passed the fear (not so much that it puts us in danger) and make our world more open and less prejudice. -Lori Bennett
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Kevin Pratt Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 9:12 pmUnfortunately Allison there will always be prejudices because people are ignorant. Do I wish that prejudices did not exist absolutely. If we were not prejudice I don’t think there would be any wars today. Take me for example I have to live with prejudices every day because I am in a wheelchair so I deal with them on a daily basis no matter how small they may be. Being disabled you automatically get put into a box or you’re judged before people even get to know you. Yes they want asked questions because there curious for example little boys last me what’s wrong with my legs and you have to say nothing is wrong with my legs even though there are times where you would like to say something else but you take a higher road in the end and you just tell the child he used the wheelchair to get around from point a to point B. so prejudices should never exists at all we would live a happier society if they didn’t exist we could all live in harmony like Martin Luther King wanted us to come together as people instead of fighting all the time. I wish we lived in a happier society. Respectfully yours Kevin Pratt Jr.
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SmallvilleRulz Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 9:43 pmi watched apocalypse the oda day and can someone tell me wen lex and lionel found kara because the only reason she was 18 wenclark found her was because she was in suspernded animation which mean if lex and lionel found her then she would b 18 so she shouldve bn round 36 so they made a mistake unless someone can tell me that was the case y??
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Asim Ramay Says:
August 2nd, 2008 at 12:56 amPrejudice and cautious are different but regardless of whether you are in a good town or a bad town you can get mugged or asked for money, i live in rural australia so i usually don’t see homeless people or in an area with a bad reputation but most of the time an area has a bad rep for nothing i got to a school called Wyong High and all of the people i know that leave in the surrounding area said it was a bad school with ill mannered people,lots of fights etc , i still ended up going to the school because they had the best IT labs in the area and all the kids there were really nice and in the past 4 years i’ve been there there have only been 6 fights in total and 3 of them, were verbal, this makes you think how did it get such a bad rep even tho its a nice school,its usually due to information that isn’t relayed correctly or words used differently.
for example in the news there were 2 different guys (Real life example)
they both committed murders , one was muslim the other was christen ,
but for the christen guy they used his name , but for the muslim gut they said a muslim person committed a murder,
so for the christen guy you think his a bad person
where as for the Muslim guy you think muslims are bad people
just cause they used the name of his religion instead of his namethis lead me to there are always bad people buy you shouldn’t judge people because they live in a certain area because seriously Alison if your going through a bad area looking down and putting up a “wall” it’s just gonna make you and easier target and more Vulnerable because, your less aware of your soundings and regardless of wether you have your guard up or not if someone’s gonna try and mug you there not gong confront you like they do in Hollywoods movies there more likely to come from behind or from a blind spot and bring a weapon with them so if we were really afraid of getting hurt in a area we would take a detour through another street or place.
although fear does lead us to prejudice the main reasons for prejudice in my opinion is:
- information people know that is not true
-its harder to relate to people that are different because you don’t or may not have anything in common personalty wise and it becomes easier to focus on the differences
-combine this with a humans endless greed it lets us makes excuse to ourselves because we don want to do something or we are driven by money etc and the people who are the ones that get hurt by prejudice end up becoming prejudice because it makes them feel safer.And i know what it feels like to be prosecuted, i went to america 3 times and every time i had to sit a in a room for 5 hours waiting for customs to process information about me just because i have a beard and my passport ( Australian) says i was born in pakistan i say this because each time my cousin who went before me ( both of us went to america together each time) didn’t have a beard and his passport didn’t say were he was born didn’t get “randomly” checked and no one after me did either cause the whole time i was in waiting there was no one else there
and 2 out of 3 times i was going to canada but had to go via America so i was late for my flight and had to literally pay for having a muslim appearance (BTW i am Muslim)
i mean sure its a “safety measure” but really i don’t want to be sitting in custom for 5 hours every time i go there, just cause miss-informed people suspect all Muslims are terrorist witch isn’t helped by terrorist and don’t say muslim terrorist’s cause that be a contradiction:
1. islam means peace
2. in the Quran it says anyone who kills innocent people will burn in the hottest part of hell
3. suicide in islam is a Major Sinsorry for the long winded post but i tend to think deeply and thoroughly into things,
and i apologize if any of my remarks offend you in anyway
BTW
i’m 15
i love Smallville i hope it doesn’t end in season 8 (reckon it should go all the way till clark has donned the tights and married either lois, chloe or lana cause its there own version and sure they should stick to the mythology but they should listen to fans more then being concerned with the DC mythology
(and there i go again blabbing)
TYm,
Asim -
George Says:
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:22 amHe didn’t go on to say “I bet it was really expensive”?
Or “It would look better on my bedroom floor”
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Jo Says:
August 3rd, 2008 at 3:17 pmRon….Thank you. You said it exactly the way I wanted to say it but in a much shorter, clearer way.
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Brittany Says:
August 3rd, 2008 at 7:42 pmHey Allison, I can totally relate to your experience. Whenever I go downtown and I’m in the car, watching the people pass by, it scares me to see them like that and thinking what they would do if I was outside on teh sidewalks myself. Even when I’m in a familiar place I’m scared of what people think of me, the way they stare like I don’t belong or how they think their better then I am. People are scare of what they don’t understand. Prejudice leads to that I find. Well bye! Much love, Britt.
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Desert Demon Says:
August 4th, 2008 at 1:26 pmHey Allison,
I had an opposite but similar experience. I live in Dubai and went to the US to study. I think that although the US was a nice place to be, explore and understand yet, I feel that prejudice plays an important role in this country and my hometown. Taxi drivers in Dubai give preference to whites when picking up their customers as they go for long distances and tip the drivers (something that is not there in the culture of 60% of the population). I think this racial discrimination has gone to such an extent that when these cab drivers do pick me up they think Im Arab and so I will pay them extra. But I am not. Otherwise these guys never pick me or any other non-white up.
I am not here to discriminate between races but to highlight that such countries face problems with racial discrimination within races and inferiority complexes that their race is inferior to another. I think that all races are equal in the way science and biology prove it so.
Getting back to my US experience – well, my roommate in my dorm was not in right shape. What I mean is that he was influenced by people around him. In my second semester I realised that due to people around him he thought that I, since muslim was a very introvert kind of person who ment harm to someone. I too keep a beard and to date I have never been questioned by US authorities on basis of random checking. But my roommate was another story, he had no ethics or anything. He and the people on my floor did not respect my way of living. They thought that just because I have a beard means that I cannot be open minded and always am stuck up. They harassed me to no end. Of course they got what they deserved (police intervention) but I then found that there were people who were not prejudiced also (my resident adviser) and were very supportive and very understanding.
I think that eventually in every place in the world, we have good people and bad people. We must never listen to the common motto and experience everything ourselves. Not everyone is a saint but yet not everyone is Hitler.
Sorry for the long post but Id just like to say that one must be open minded and never listen to common media as we all know does distort reality to no end!
Allison, I think you do a really good job by letting others voice their opinions and discussing such issues. I am patiently waiting for the next season and I’m sure it’ll be brilliant as usual.
Thanks and have a great day!
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David Hayes Says:
August 5th, 2008 at 12:27 amThis may be posted a little too late to be read by many of the visitors to this site, but I wanted to give a little feedback here anyway.
There was this scientist being interviewed by Tom Snyder on the “Tomorrow Show” many years ago. He held college degrees in several diverse subjects. Asked about what motivated him to reach such academic heights, he told of a very vivid dream in which a UFO landed and the aliens picked him to take a test to determine in mankind would be allowed to survive. He woke up in a sweat knowing that he was sadly lacking as a human being and that, if the fate of the human race rested on his shoulders, we would all be lost. After that, he worked like a madman to make himself the absolute nest best example of humanity that was possible.
This may seem off the topic, but I don’t think so. It came to mind reading Torias’ comment “Sometimes Hispanic people hit for no reason.” I do agree that people as individuals, by their actions, train others how to perceive them … but also that the perception is usually clouded by a lot of other information people use to make judgments about others. Anyhow, what follows is my take on the idea that Hispanics must WANT to be known as the people who hit for no reason because they keep doing it and therefore re-enforce that stereotype. First off, this gives me a flash back to a cartoon character that represented “Hawaiian Punch” for years. He wore a loud Hawaiian shirt and hauled off and punched people that asked for a Hawaiian punch. I certainly hope the repetitive airing of that commercial didn’t label overweight white men in Hawaiian shirts as random hitters. But more to the point, let’s say 1000 Hispanics in LA decided that it was cool to build a little fear of (and respect ? of) the Hispanic community by sending a message “Be aware of us and fear us because we may strike without reason at any time!” How many Hispanics are there in total? Even if there are, let’s say 100 million Hispanic people in the world, that thousand people in LA would represent one thousandth of a percent of all Hispanics. Although EVERY Hispanic that Torias may have ever encountered may believe in random hitting (and that may or may not be true depending how much Torius gets around), that sampling of experience is a very narrow sampling to make a judgment on an entire group of people – although it might justify how Torias prepares to face a day among the 1000 that may surround him.
So here’s the question, if you identify yourself as a member of a specific race or group, who would you want to represent your people in the public’s mind if being pre-judged is inevitable? Would you want it to be you? Are you a “credit to your race?” Another question: Should a group have the right to choose which 1000 or 100 or 1 represents how the public views them? If we are to be pre-judged by an unfairly small sampling, shouldn’t we be the ones that get to choose the sample? There are certainly 1000 clansmen still around. I don’t want to be judged as holding views like theirs. There were at least 1000 people in Hitler’s regime taking a hand in the Holocaust. I certainly don’t want to be thought of as being genetically bound to behaving like they did. I would probably lean to selecting Nobel Peace Prize winners and Pulitzer Prize Winners and volunteers who sacrificed themselves without seeking notoriety. But would I pick me to represent me? The individual is the smallest unique “group” there is. Theirs my left brain and my right brain, … which represents me better? Right now, the only thing I know for sure is that I want a body double. But I’ll have to think on the people I want to represent me and the specific traits in each of them that I want to be known for.
So, these comments approach the topic two ways. One, I believe that any large racial or cultural group is far too diverse to be fairly pre-judged by a sampling based on any individual’s personal experience. Two, I challenge you all to consider whether or not YOU are the person you want to represent the groups you belong to … and to make an effort to be the person that you would want to represent your group.
I got up at 3:00am to write this, so I hope it makes sense in the morning. I’m heading back to bed.
Take Care!
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Pepe Says:
August 5th, 2008 at 1:20 amSo many of your brilliant readers have already pointed out that being cautious is not the same as being prejudiced (actually, it kind of is, but I guess there is a good kind and bad kind of pre-judging). Oh well, we know what they mean and it’s a good point. You are a petite, young woman. It is better to be safe than sorry in these cases.
But here is something else for you to chew on: why did God make things so difficult for humankind by making people of all these different colors? Why didn’t He just make us all the same? I think it has something to do with whatever is the opposite of prejudiced…
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David Hayes Says:
August 6th, 2008 at 1:04 amWhy not all the same? Unless we were identical in every detail, I’m sure we would find enough differences to judge one superior over the other. But, let’s say we were identical. Any bacteria that would effect any of us, would take us all down. Anything that an individual was incapable of would be true of everyone. We achieve our strength as a species through our diversity. Gene Rodenbury talked about celebrating “IDIC” — infinite diversity in infinite combinations.
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David Hayes Says:
August 6th, 2008 at 5:37 am… Like the Fried Egg Philosopher said, “Without a little yolk or anything else to spice it up, the whites alone make a pretty bland omlett.”
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Daisy Says:
August 6th, 2008 at 5:31 pmHey Allison thanks for sharing your story. Your blog was very interesting. I personally try my hardest not to judge someone I don’t know before I actually meet them. I think it’s stupid to do so because you just don’t know them and it really is unfair for both of you. This blog was very interesting and know it’s got me really thinking on the subject.
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Therapeutic Ramblings Says:
August 10th, 2008 at 11:17 amYou should check out: “Destructive Emotions: A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama”. Experts in eastern and western philosophy come together and discuss how positive/negative emotions effect our society, and how we as individuals contribute to many of our challenges in the world: prejudice, intolerance, etc.
I am still in the beginning, but I can’t put it down and it has made me think deeper and longer than almost anything that I’ve read in the last few years.
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