I have not written in so long and to be honest I have not really paid much attention to anything other than work in the last little while. But as I spend a few days relaxing with my family in LA, I realize how incredibly important it is to sit and be.
Just be.
The most challenging and intense thing I ever do in my life is “be”.
So this is the year of “being”. I am excited about what I will see and hear with a little more silence and a little more thought.
Yipee… mid-late 20s and some growing up!
Here I come!
I hope each of you are having a spectacular holiday and I hope that this Christmas (or holiday season) you are having as wonderful, profound, and relaxing experience as I am having.
Thank you for your gift of support and the generosity each of you have shared with me in this wild and exciting life!!!!!
xoxox
allison

Have you ever caught yourself doing that? It’s so ridiculous. Like, why not just tell your friends you ate the chocolate cake? Why lie about the way you lost your front tooth? Somehow the story is so much more compelling than the truth. Lie. What are the implications of such a habit? No trust from anyone. That is one.

Huh, so to transition lies to storytelling… maybe I use my powers for good rather than evil. I will practice telling stories. I bought a book. Yes, I believe there is a book for everything, and I bought one for a daily writing practice.
It is called “A Writer’s Book of Days“. It was written by a woman named Judy Reeves and it gives you a writing exercise every day.

So September 1, I started.

I thought I would share what I write with you all and if you like, you can write along and post as well! Sort of like an online writing group! Yay community!

Here goes:

September 8th, 2009
_________ is the color I remember.

Orange is the color I remember. Burnt orange. Burnt, vibrant, deep rich orange.
I remember cutting the flesh of a vegetable that reminded me of skin coated in iodine.
The smell of iron overwhelmed anything having to do with the banana bread baking in the kitchen.
I was 14 and I had just gotten my belly button pierced and iodine was the answer to infection at that point.
So every day I laid down in the living room, and poured the metallic liquid into the button on my belly so as to ward off evil bacteria from the new hole I chose to impose upon my body.
It was back to school time. Autumn in Los Angeles is a time of clearing skies and smokey sunsets.
The Santa Anna winds rush the overly dried desert with fires across the coast line for weeks in the end of August. And everyone is always so surprised.
It happens every year, and yet we have no memory of the past.
Why is it that certain things stick in our minds, burned into the folds of our brain, never to be forgotten, and other things we repeat as though we are on a loop track?
I suppose the enjoyment of living in Malibu supersedes the annual fires that blaze through the properties there.
I think of these things as I enjoy the burn of air that floats around me and twist my belly button ring in and around the internal and external portion of my soulful carrying case.
“I am such a rebel”, I tell myself. “Blake Heron is going to think I am so hot!”. Oh yes, the puncture wound was an attention strategy for a boy. I wanted desperately to be dangerous. To be desired. To be mysterious. And so I had a human pin cushion jam a needle through my abdomen and called it “cool”. Several years later I would repeat this patten with needles and ink. Scarring myself with pigment and indentations on my chest and ankle as a way to disprove my own value and confirm the value I found in the approval of the man next to me.
Just like the people who refuse to acknowledge the annual fires that dance along the Los Angeles coast line. So do I refuse to acknowledge the life time commitment to consistent abnegation of worth or trust for the next cool, confident, powerful person in the room.
Permission, permission to learn, permission to move on, permission to grow.
Permission to explore other places to live that may be equally as beautiful, but without the fires.
Hmm, that’s a thought.

This being said, I was reading an article recently about an amazing artist/actress/writer/filmmaker named Miranda July, and I found out about an online project she has been doing with another gentleman for the last few years. It’s such a beautiful thing that she’s doing… She and her partner come up with different assignments for anyone to participate in accomplishing, and they have created a site for people to post and share the completion of these assignments. If you want to look at it the site is learningtoloveyoumore.com, and it’s awesome! I was so inspired by this concept that i decided to make my own project like this for my site. I was sharing this idea with one of my best friends, and she told me about something that she and her husband used to do in which they would create an annual calendar filled with their own “celebration days”—days dedicated to celebrating or doing something they loved!

I thought this was wonderful and combined her idea with that of Miranda July… So, this is what I have come up with—an annual calendar that has 4 celebration days per month that are dedicated to different projects/assignments/creations/or events! Here is the first set! I hope you enjoy and participate in these fabulous adventures with me!

All my love,
Allison

Upcoming Mack Event

• 20 November:
  • Find a beautiful leaf and photograph someone you love holding it… (all day) – Click the link to find out how to submit your pictures!

A Cappella Innovations is a festival being put on by my friends, the acappella group Simply Human, the weekend of December 1-2.

A Capella Innovations intends to “promote innovation, evolution and unity in the acappella community, as well as fostering an appreciation in the general public of what can be done with the human instrument.” The two-day event/conference/festival will include 11 different workshops of acappella techniques, constructive evaluations, and professional performances and networking and community-building opportunities, culminating in a celebrity-hosted performance of acappella groups.

The workshops will focus on vocal instrument emulation, arrangement techniques, voice (singing) techniques and vocal percussion and “beatboxing.” Participating groups will have the opportunity to perform for a professional judging panel that will provide rich feedback. A Capella Innovations will be a living, evolving process of talent sharing where, through the exposure to each group’s different techniques and approach, participants will arrive to a whole new level in their performance and experience of acappella music. The public performance at the end of the weekend will showcase the results of this mutual enrichment process.

Okay, so in case you haven’t noticed, my site has changed! I love it! I think it is beautiful. So, I have decided to take this week’s blog and focus on change and the beauty of change; hence the two amazing quotes I am using this week as the inspiration. I am so totally in love with the phrase Mr. Cohen used, “in movement there is life, and in change there is power“. I just want to stand up and cheer when I read that! So often I get stuck in what I think is predictable and certain, like in some way that makes me more safe or more happy! What a ridiculous lie to tell myself! The truth of the matter is that I am only limiting my experience of my life! I want to be as full and rich and… and exciting as possible and if I really want to attain this goal I need to stretch. I need to change. The nessessity for taking risk is so huge; I can’t believe that I am only just recognizing. I think so often I get stuck in the same old same old because it feels “safe” and comfortable, but what a horrible theft from me!

Really, you have one shot at this! Why not make the most of it! I am using tons of “!” because I really want to express my excitment and passion for this concept!!!!!

Life is about living, not sitting, sleeping, coasting, and comforting! It’s about failure, up and down, forward and back… all the above! A great friend of mine was telling me about an amazing man she heard speak, and he was saying that when you go to see a film, the most exciting parts are when the characters are going through the most change. In essence, this is when the characters are going through the most struggle. Why would we ever want to cut out the most exciting parts of our life?

Ahh! How fun!

Ciao for now!

Allison

I think that I found this quote so incredibly profound because I have developed this habit of over dramatizing things that I’m going through. In reality, when we step back and look at what we are doing in our lives, it’s all just an experience to enhance our own existence. No one is making us do the things that we are doing; we choose to do them. And then, at least in my case, I choose to stress out and be miserable while I am doing the things that I say I WANT to do in the first place.

Am I making any sense? Sometimes I feel like I am talking in circles.

THERE I GO AGAIN… over dramatizing and over-complicating things so that I am confused, stressed out and overwhelmed. I even do it with this blog. I spin around in circles trying to say things that are interesting and profound, when really the whole point of this thing is just to express my ideas and hear what you all think as well. Maybe some of you are laughing at the silliness of my pontification right now!

I’ll laugh with you. HA HA HA

Ok… So, I need to remind myself that everything is a comedy and, if I want, I can cut out the time I spend freaking out and make all “tragedy” comedy now. I just need to pull my head out of my bum and stop bringing the drama home from work.

Tom Welling said something beautifully enlightening to me the other day at work. He said, “In the end, Allison, it is everything and it is nothing. It is all just for the experience,” and at that moment, on the Kent Farm, with a man dressed in a silver body-suit flying behind us, I really understood what he was saying to me. And… started laughing! Every moment is about *that* moment, not about the next one I am going to live and not about the ones I just finished living. So I just need to enjoy the ride!
Like they always say “life is a journey”, I want my to be a fuckin’ fun one!

Ciao for this week and thanks for you patience!

Allison

God, I love Rumi. I think he is my all-time favourite poet and philosopher.

So… I apologize for my massive hiatus. Honestly, I have been feeling a little lost recently. I dont know if I am totally alone in this feeling, but the past month of my life I have sort of felt like I have been skimming the surface; just sort of floating through things and not really committing to anything. This plays into all the areas of my life.

I don’t like this feeling at all. Last week, at work, I had the most bizarre experience. For the first time in my career I totally zoned out at work. Thank God for Tom Welling, who reminded me very gently that we are there to tell a story and he wasn’t really sure what I was telling that day. His beautiful and loving feedback really helped to snap me back into reality. I suddenly thought “What am I doing? I have the most awesome job in the world. I work with people that I adore, and I get paid ample to do this.”

It’s so easy to get caught up in my head space of what I don’t have and where I’m not, that I forget to recognize the beauty in what I do have and where I am. I have decided to make a list of the things I love so that I can remind myself of the details in my life that I’ve been ignoring recently.

Who knows? Maybe we have some things in common. Ok, here goes. I love:

• ice cream
• laughing
• friends
• movies
• warm wool socks
• getting into a hot shower after being out in the cold rain and feeling my toes defrost
• art
• books
• taking an amazing photograph
• touching down after a long flight in a totally new country
• movie previews
• good acting
• overatures at the ballet
• bows at the end of a performance
• my nephew’s bounce
• when my dog scratches his nose on the ground
• hitting a scene just right
• hearing my best friends hour long messages on my machine
• flowers
• when the sun breaks through on a rainy day
• amazing alliterations in Tom Robbins’ novels
• my boyfriends cooking
• going to an art opening
• walking down the street, with the leaves changing and my arm wrapped around someone
• singing

Ok…wow, I feel better. It would be so cool if you all tried this and commented with your list. I would love to see the things we have in common! Thanks for listening to me vent. I so appreciate all of you! oh and hey!!!!

Oh, I won a Teen Choice again!!!!! So cool, right? Maybe this year I will get a surfboard!

Ciao for now
Allison

by Bruce Jenner

I find this quote so incredibly inspiring! I realized that I have only ever really done what feels comfortable in my life. I have never put myself in a position where I’m doing something that I have never done before. I have done this knowingly because the idea of looking like I don’t know what I am doing scares the heck out of me. After realizing this, I feel that limiting myself is ridiculous!

I am just shooting myself in the foot because… how can I ever grow if I never challenge myself. How can I ever know the depths of me if I spend my whole life skimming the surface and doing what is comfortable. So, I have decided to branch out. I will be directing episode 20 of Smallville this year, and I am so intimidated! It’s silly. I know that I have eight months to prep and that I have the most amazing crew of people around me that will do everything in their power to help me make something awesome, but getting past that ego that drives me has been a huge challenge. Ignoring the voice inside my head that is screaming “You have no clue how to do this!” has definitely been a challenge.

As I start to do more and more work on building this skill in myself, the voice is starting to soften and I am actually really enjoying the process. I liked this quote so much because it talks about “abolishing you fears” and “raising your commitment to the point of no return!” There is something so empowering about that phrase! So I am raising my “commitment level to the point of no return”!

I have now announced it to all you lovelies and I can’t go back on my word. It’s that silly pride thing that is actually helpful in this situation I am taking on something so foreign but I have made a strong decision to enjoy the learning process! Who knows, maybe I will become a fabulous director and just have two careers! Woah… let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Thanks for all the support you provide! I love hearing from you every week. You have no idea how much joy I get out of reading your thoughts on this website!

Ciao to all
Allison

ps… Oh yeah! And check out Miss Tabby’s site, allisonmackonline.com. She is doing some really awesome stuff for my birthday! I am collecting funds for a foundation that I am starting and any support is so so so appreciated!

I love this quote. I am constantly surprised and moved by the words Einstein uses and the way in which he was able to spread such an immense amount of knowledge in one lifetime. I have really been seeing recently how small I make my world. I am surprised by the amount of evaluation that it takes to be a mindful and global thinker.

I feel as though I consume myself with what is directly in front of me without ever taking into consideration how this will then effect the rest of the world and I think that is a very dangerous pattern to fall into. It does feel like we, as a society, have moved into the “optical delusion of our consciousness” and it feels as though we are destroying each other because of it. In our attempt to create and solidify our own comfort we have lost that human quality called compassion.

Sometimes it feels as if somehow the people that are out of my direct contact don’t exist and therefore I shouldn’t think or be concerned about them and how my decisions effect them, directly. I have really been looking at myself lately, looking at the choices I have made for myself thus far and the choices I continue to make by the minute. What I see is a woman who is seeking compassion from the outside world, but is unwilling to give it herself. I expect others to behave in a way that I don’t behave myself. I expect others to have a worldly and mindful point of view, when in reality, that is usually the last thing on my mind when I am doing something. When I really started to see how consistent I am in this behavior and how destructive this behavior is to all of humanity, I did the least compassionate thing I could do– I punished myself, as though somehow that would evoke more compassion from me. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I am punished for something, I am usually angry. So I was definitely not doing what I wanted to do.

In order for me to see compassion in the world, I must first have it for myself. Likewise, in order for the world to change, for us as humans to start behaving as though we are all connected in this “universe,” we must first connect with ourselves– really start to see ourselves for who we are… The good, the bad, and the ugly. I am so inspired by this concept, and I look forward to my quest towards creating a more loving, friendly, safe and compassionate world for myself and all others to thrive and grow within.

Thanks for the day

Allison

PS. Be sure to check out how to get a personalized autograph from me at AllisonMackOnline.com. We’ve also started up a SodaHead account for the polls here, and a MySpace account, so add me, we’ll add you back!

Okay, so I am sure you are all wondering what this quote on failure has to do with traveling in Mexico. Don’t worry, I will explain.

I failed today… miserably. No “ifs”, “ands” or “buts” about it. Failed. For the last six months, I have been training for a half-marathon that was to be run this morning. And so I did… out there in the rain, ready and willing to go. About 2 kilometers into the 21 kilometer run, my knee started acting up… but I pushed through. Then again, acting up, kept on pushing. Then around kilometer 6, I thought I should probably stop to stretch it out. Well, once I stopped, there was no starting again. My knee completely seized up and I couldn’t even walk. I cannot tell you the feeling of disappointment that washed over me. It was brutal. As I was hobbling back to the car, my lovely trainer was reminding me that it was not about the race, but the process of training that was what was important and impressive. I tried to buck up, but man was it ever hard when I couldn’t put weight on my left foot to save my life.

But then, I got home and I started looking online for other races, and I found this quote. I thought to myself, “You know what? He is so right! I can just fix whatever is wrong with my leg; do a little research about what is up with my leg and how I can prevent this from happening next time.” If I choose to look at the bright side of this whole ordeal, I really did learn quite a bit about where my body is right now, and the things I need to do in order to get into the most ideal shape so as not to hurt myself. So there is a silver lining!

I just wanted to share that with all you. I found it quite inspiring and so awesomely profound. I get so caught up in the result “the race” and I completely overlook the amount of triumph and learning that I gained during the process of training and even failing. It is such a gift and this whole experience just supports the phrase that I am trying to live my life by, “Life is a journey, not a destination.”

So true, so true.

Okay, so, enough of that failure talk, back to my trip to Mexico. The Aztec ruins were awesome! I woke up early in the morning after having an evening of incredibly strong cactus alcohol and traditional Aztec dancing, to go for a beautiful sunrise run around the temples.

There are two temples in this specific spot; the sun and the moon. They almost look like natural hills because of all the trees and nature growing over them, but once inside the park, you can see evidence of a truly amazing and sophisticated community of people. I was so amazed by the art and architectural design of the place. It was truly overwhelming. I will admit that the human sacrifice table was a bit creepy and the fact they the world is predicted to end in 2012 is also a bit unsettling, but other than that it was fantastic.

I have attached a few pics of the trip and some fun stuff from the day! Enjoy and let me know your own thoughts and experiences around failure. I’m sorry to keep bringing it up, but it was really a cool experience today.

Ciao, my fellow thinkers!
Allison

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