Violent Tendencies
by Gandhi
by Muhammad Ali
When searching for a quote, I have started the habit of deciding what to write by what seems to be relevant to what is going on for me that week. It has kind of been a cool way to get my ideas and thoughts out on a page and also bounce the thoughts I have floating in my head off a number of different people from a number of different places and backgrounds.
So far this has been a beautiful experiment, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all the responses everyone is posting on this site. It really is such an amazing way for me to get to know all my fans and also get to know myself in the process. So, that being said, I have had many conversations with different friends this week about violence and what that is. I thought these quotes were in keeping with this because it is a great way of looking at what violent reactions and thoughts can end up doing to the world at large. Now, my opinion of violence has changed drastically in the last little bit. I used to think that it was a solely physical act; that the word only encompassed those acts that caused physical harm or destruction, but as I began to think about it a little more, I really started to recognize how destructive words can be. Sometimes, even more destructive than a punch. It was after this recognition that I really saw how violent I can be in the way I live my life… Not always so much towards other people, but so more so towards myself. I allow my insecurities to dictate the things I do in my life. I am constantly berating myself for not being “enough” of what I think I would be. I suppress the things within me that I think are “bad” and then spend my time and energy punishing myself for even having these flaws in the first place.
I feel like these habits are incredibly destructive and violent towards my own growth and potential. They essentially ruin my ability to enjoy my present life and situations. Now, if this isn’t violent, I don’t know what is.
The really incredible part about this discovery is that I can only treat people the way I treat myself. And I will never have the capacity to be the compassionate and loving person I want to be in the world if I can’t ever be that for myself. It is this strange reality that I am seeing, the truth that everything I do and see in the external world is simply a direct reflection of what is going on within me and my own little head…. And so I struggle to find inner compassion, to tame that violent dictator that consumes my thoughts. Maybe, if I can tame my destructive self, I will be closer to attaining my goal of being a kind, honest, and loving person. I really wonder what would happen on a global scale if more people would stop the abusive behavior they inflict upon themselves and actually began living with compassion for their own flaws, embracing them and accepting them as part of the beauty of what it means to be human.
No more real exciting Smallville news, other than I heard a rumor that the finale script was leaked, and everyone has very strong opinions regarding “the green tear.” Don’t worry guys, it will be cool… I won’t let you down 
Look forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas! Bye for this week.
Tags: Gandhi, Muhammad Ali, Smallville, Violence
Why do I do…
Before I begin this week’s blog, there were a lot of questions as to whether I got as far down to your comment, and the answer is, yes! I’ve been reading all of the approved comments! The response is fabulous, thank you all so much for participating!
So, for this week’s quote…
by Aristotle
This week I had the privilege of seeing one of the most triumphant performances I have ever experienced. It was so amazing that I went two times in four days. “The Syringa Tree” is a one woman show set in the apartheid era. It is a 100 minute show that takes you on the journey of a 7 year old girl and her experience with her family during a time of civil unrest and violence. The actress, Caroline Cave, portrays 24 characters with such unbelievable conviction you forget you are only watching one person! The story moved me so much that by the end of both performances, I couldn’t stop myself from weeping.
This beautiful gift of art has come at the most fantastic time in my life. I have been walking around really questioning why it is that I act. Why do I do what I do? This play has helped me to answer this question. As an actress, it is my job to find and understand all people, within me. I am paid to dedicate my life to understanding and exploring all the facets of myself that I can possibly access. It is so beautiful to me to recognize that we all have the same basis of humanity. We are all flawed with just as many flaws as anyone else. It is the choices that we make that unearths these imperfections and sets us all apart.
As I began to reach this understanding I had an overwhelming sense of compassion and unity. I am so grateful for my job because everyday I feel as though it provides me with the opportunity to feel that depth of understanding and then…AND THEN to be the facilitator in sharing these human experiences with others. To provide my audience with the opportunity to question and understand these things within themselves is such an unbelievable exchange.
My passion for what I do has increased exponentially after this realization–what a satisfying job to have! Dedicating my life to knowing and understanding myself, and therefore having true compassion for humanity…and getting paid for it?!?! Wow…truly living my dream! I used to do what I do for other people, and honestly I still struggle with that habit, but I am recognizing, slowly, that the more I do for myself, the more I seem to accomplish with the people around me. The greater understanding I have of self the more potent and honest I seem to be in the world. It is an incredibly interesting shift in my life, and I am grateful for all the experiences leading up to this.
I can’t control the way others react to me, but I can control the way I react to others, and ultimately, I can choose to live with joy and compassion regardless of what others think. This feels very scary, and yet, exciting and empowering; all new thoughts that are always shifting and changing!
What are your thoughts?
Tags: Acting, Aristotle, Caroline Cave, The Syringa Tree
