I’m leaving on a jet plane
Have you ever felt those moments in life that seems like benchmarks? Not that there is anything crazy happening in the moment, just all of a sudden you feel a shift in yourself. Like you feel yourself grow up?
Well, that is how I am feeling right now. I am sitting in the airport in Vancouver, BC waiting to board onto my flight to Prague and I just feel different. I feel more responsible, more mature. I guess more me.
This is an experience I have had before, one I treasure, where I find I settle into myself a little bit more. I have spent the last 8 days doing an amazing course that is essentially an unbelievable workout for my introspective self. And although my heart and mind are tired and sore from using them so much, I feel the blood rushing to both in a way I have never before felt.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude for learning, growth, and just human beings in general. Why am I here? I have no real clue. But to exercise each minute with as much presence and joy as possible will be a good place to start exploring. I am amazed by what we can build and develop within ourselves when we are gifted with the aid of thoughtfulness and study. Last week I saw the Dalai Lama speak and I was inspired to look at what I believe a teacher is. The conclusion I came to is that we are all teachers, teaching in every moment. But there are some special people who seek to dedicate their lives to teaching and upholding peace and humanity above all else. I have numerous friends like this in my life now, and hearing the words of the Dalai Lama and really digging deep to explore me, where I come from and where I am going I am able to identify the definitive moments in my teacher/student relationships in a way that is so very moving.
I am grateful for compassion, communication, patience and evolution. I hope to one day be as much of a teacher to another as my teachers have been to me.
And that being said, my row has been called 
ciao for now.
xo
a
Tags: dalai lama, introspection, travel
Dream within a dream?
Considering the fact that this is something I think about on a regular basis, I think this is a brilliant question. I walk through my life so concerned about all the mistakes I might make, all the things people might think about me. I make decisions based on external reactions over my own ideals and dreams and then feel angry at the external stimulus. As though it is the very thing that controls me. What?!
I don’t even know if you exist? What the heck?
After seeing my dear friend John Glover in “Waiting for Godot” I kept thinking that it seems as thought the common fear and quest of most people is that we are ultimately alone and there may not, in fact, be any real point in our existence, if we do actually exist which we can never really prove.
Ok, so then why anything?
The answer for me is: I really don’t know, but there is something beautiful about the enigmatic structure of our own experience. And if I can train myself to look at my life as one big experiment, the consequences and the failures as simply a check list for what does and doesn’t work depending on my hypothesis and the result, I think I would spend way less time stressing and way more time building.
So often I spring out of the gate with an idea, get some information back that is not what I expected and then simply shut down. I am sure you all have been witness to several of these impulse ideas… depending on how long you have been around. Which brings me to my next point.
I don’t know if you exist, or if I exist, or if this train I am riding on, with my friend, as I write this, is actually something true and tangible, The only thing that I do know is the experience I am having in this moment.
I know my leg is sticking to the seat. I know my friend who is staring out of the window is looking beautiful in her blue sweater. I know that I will bail on myself, but I wont bail on the people I love. I know I have too many pride issues, too much respect for the people I have been working with lately, to run away from my dreams and ideas if the data goes against my hypothesis.
And so, I know the virtual human team with no actual proof of existence is a gift. Because whether or not I know for sure if this is some big game or not, I know I am enriched and enlivened in my own mind and body because of the life I have lived. And the more teams I join with people I love, the more experiences I have the courage to sit through. The more boundaries I will test, the harder I will push.
So why? What’s the point?
Well, why not?
If this is just dream within a dream, I am going to do everything within my power to make it a damn good one. And since I lack the strength to push through on my own, I will look to my team-mates to nudge me with their valiant life choices and examples.
We inspire each other. Whether here or not, we effect each other.
This is a beautiful, hypothetical existence, and I want to go hard while I can.
Allendh, I hope that answers the question.
What do you all think?
Xo
a
Tags: existence, Friends, philosophy, team, trains, travel
